Scam Victim Passivity During Recovery

Principal Category: Avoidance Psychology

Authors:
•  Vianey Gonzalez, B.Sc(Psych) – Licensed Psychologist, Specialty in Crime Victim Trauma Therapy, Neuropsychologist, Certified Deception Professional, Psychology Advisory Panel & Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
•  Tim McGuinness, Ph.D. – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

 

Abstract

This article explores the psychological and neurobiological reasons why many scam victims and trauma survivors struggle to engage actively in their own recovery. Rather than viewing this passivity as resistance or lack of willpower, the article presents it as a natural response to the overwhelming emotional and physiological effects of trauma. Key themes include avoidance as a coping mechanism, the paralytic role of shame and stigma, emotional numbness, disrupted trust, and the impact of structural barriers. The article also outlines what happens in the brain during intense shame and emotional withdrawal, particularly in the aftermath of scams. Informed by trauma psychology and neuroscience, the piece emphasizes that disengagement is often a protective adaptation rather than a conscious refusal to heal. Finally, the article provides a comprehensive guide for mental health professionals on strategies to enhance client engagement through trust-building, empowerment, accessibility, and hope. The conclusion underscores the importance of compassion, patience, and consistent support in guiding survivors from passive endurance toward active participation in their own healing.

Scam Victim Passivity During Recovery

Many individuals who have experienced psychological trauma struggle to actively engage in their own recovery, often adopting a passive or spectator-like role in the healing process. This reluctance can be attributed to a complex interplay of emotional, cognitive, and systemic factors.

Author’s Note: This article is written for Scam Victims, their Families, for Advocates, and for Professionals.

Avoidance as a Coping Mechanism

Avoidance is one of the most common and deeply rooted coping mechanisms that emerge in the aftermath of psychological trauma. When someone experiences a traumatic event, their mind instinctively tries to protect them from further harm. This often results in avoiding anything that might remind them of the trauma. Avoidance may initially feel like a form of control—it allows you to sidestep overwhelming emotions, flashbacks, or painful memories. However, this temporary relief comes at the cost of long-term healing.

You might find yourself skipping therapy appointments, staying silent during sessions, or changing the subject when difficult topics arise. This is not unusual. Avoidance can also look like emotional detachment, excessive busyness, substance use, or distractions such as compulsive entertainment or work. You may rationalize it as “not being ready” or tell yourself that it is better to stay focused on the present. In reality, avoiding the work of recovery prolongs your suffering and can even deepen your sense of helplessness.

The paradox of avoidance is that it prevents the very healing that could free you from the trauma. Recovery requires facing the pain—not all at once, but gradually, and with the right support. Avoidance postpones that opportunity. It builds a psychological wall between you and the possibility of restoration. You may feel that confronting your trauma will break you, when in fact, it’s the avoidance that quietly erodes your emotional strength.

Trauma-informed therapy recognizes avoidance as a protective adaptation, not a flaw. Good therapists will never force you to confront memories prematurely. Instead, they guide you to build the internal resources necessary to face your pain safely. Avoidance loses its power when you understand that it was a survival strategy—and like many survival strategies, it served a purpose but eventually becomes a barrier to growth.

Learning to step beyond avoidance is not a single act of courage, but a series of small, manageable steps. Each time you choose to attend therapy, to speak a little more honestly, or to reflect on your emotions instead of suppressing them, you chip away at avoidance. These acts of engagement do not just reduce your fear—they build your capacity for recovery.

Understanding avoidance helps you see it for what it is: a temporary shelter, not a permanent home. You are not weak for avoiding your pain. You are human. But the path to healing will only open when you decide to take even the smallest steps toward what you fear, knowing that you do not have to face it alone.

Shame and Stigma

Shame is one of the most powerful and paralyzing emotions you may face after experiencing psychological trauma. Unlike guilt, which relates to actions, shame strikes at the core of identity. It tells you not that you did something bad, but that you are bad. This internalized judgment can quickly become a barrier to healing, especially when it combines with the fear of being stigmatized by others.

You may find yourself replaying the events that caused your trauma, questioning what you should have done differently, even if the situation was entirely out of your control. Survivors of scams, abuse, or violence often blame themselves—I should have known better, I should have left sooner, Why did I trust them?—and these thoughts spiral into a toxic sense of unworthiness. When shame takes hold, you may feel you do not deserve help or healing.

Stigma compounds this effect. Whether real or anticipated, the fear of how others will react can stop you from reaching out. You might believe that talking about your trauma will make people see you as weak, damaged, foolish, or broken. In some cultures or communities, trauma, especially related to mental health, financial loss, or abuse, is still seen as taboo. These perceptions reinforce silence and isolation.

In a therapeutic setting, this shame can make you retreat emotionally. You might sit through sessions without engaging, avoid disclosing key details, or discontinue therapy altogether. You may worry about being judged even by the therapist, despite their role being nonjudgmental and supportive. Shame tells you that your pain is embarrassing, and stigma warns you that revealing it will change how others see you.

Yet hiding from your story only extends your suffering. What shame thrives on is secrecy. When you begin to talk, slowly, carefully, and in a safe environment, shame starts to lose its grip. You discover that your story, while painful, is not unique in its emotional truth. Others have felt the same anguish. Others have also struggled with silence. And others have learned that vulnerability, far from weakening you, is often the first real act of strength in recovery.

Therapy can help you reframe your trauma, not as something to be ashamed of, but as something you endured and are now choosing to heal from. Support groups, like those offered through SCARS, give you a space where your experience is understood without judgment. There, your voice is not only heard, it is honored.

You do not need to carry shame alone. You do not need to let stigma determine the course of your recovery. Healing begins when you decide that your worth is not defined by what happened to you, but by the courage it takes to face it.

What Happens in the Brain When You Experience Profound Shame After a Scam

When you feel profound shame after being scammed, your brain reacts in ways that go far beyond emotion. This is not just a psychological reaction. It is a full-body neurological response that deeply affects how you think, behave, and even how you feel physically. Shame is one of the most intense emotions the human brain can generate, and its effects can be long-lasting if not addressed.

The moment you realize you were deceived, your brain begins processing that experience through a network of regions associated with emotion, memory, and self-perception. The areas most involved are the amygdala, the prefrontal cortex, and the insula. These parts of your brain work together to process what happened, compare it against your personal values, and determine how you should feel about yourself in response.

The amygdala—your brain’s alarm system—activates first. It is responsible for processing threat, and in the case of shame, it treats your sense of personal failure as a form of danger. It sounds the alarm, triggering a cascade of stress responses. This can lead to increased heart rate, sweating, gastrointestinal discomfort, and a strong desire to withdraw or hide. Your brain is responding as though your social survival is at risk, because in evolutionary terms, being socially exposed or cast out was once life-threatening.

Next, the insula, which helps you monitor your internal bodily state, kicks in. This is the part of the brain responsible for what’s called interoception, your ability to feel what is going on inside your body. The insula is highly active during experiences of shame. It contributes to that sinking feeling in your chest, the sense of wanting to disappear, or the gut-wrenching nausea that often accompanies deep embarrassment or humiliation.

Then comes the prefrontal cortex, the area responsible for decision-making, self-reflection, and moral reasoning. This region tries to make sense of what happened. It begins to ask questions: How did I let this happen? What does this say about me? Am I stupid? Am I weak? Unfortunately, the shame reaction often distorts this process. Instead of analyzing the situation rationally, your brain begins to create a narrative of self-blame. Instead of recognizing the manipulative techniques used by the scammer, your prefrontal cortex may become stuck in a loop of self-judgment.

This self-blaming loop is reinforced by the default mode network (DMN), a system in your brain that is active when you are not focused on the outside world—when you are daydreaming, reflecting, or ruminating. After trauma, especially emotional betrayal like a scam, the DMN can become overactive. You may replay conversations, messages, or decisions repeatedly, trying to find where you went wrong. Each repetition deepens the shame, creating a pattern of rumination that interferes with your ability to heal.

On a chemical level, shame increases the release of cortisol, the stress hormone. If this response is prolonged, it can lead to changes in the hippocampus, the brain’s memory center. Chronic stress and shame can impair your ability to form new memories, make decisions, or think clearly. This is why many scam victims report feeling foggy, confused, or dissociated after discovering the truth. They are not only dealing with emotional pain but also navigating a brain that is chemically flooded and structurally disrupted.

One of the most damaging effects of shame in the brain is its ability to shut down help-seeking behavior. The same brain regions involved in pain are also linked to social rejection. When shame is activated, your brain may interpret it as a form of exclusion or social death. This can cause you to avoid others, hide your experience, or refuse therapy, believing deep down that you do not deserve support or that no one will understand. This isolation strengthens the neural circuits of shame, making them harder to disrupt over time.

However, your brain is also capable of change. Through a process called neuroplasticity, it can rewire itself. When you talk about your experience in a supportive environment, new connections are formed between the emotional and rational parts of your brain. This helps you reframe the event, reduce self-blame, and begin to build resilience. Even simply naming the emotion—This is shame—can activate parts of your prefrontal cortex that help regulate distress and bring a sense of clarity and control.

You should understand that what is happening in your brain is not a reflection of your intelligence, your strength, or your worth. It is a predictable and deeply human response to a profound emotional injury. The manipulation that caused it was deliberate. The shame you feel is not yours to carry forever. With support, honesty, and time, your brain can heal. The circuits that once kept you trapped in self-condemnation can be reshaped into new patterns—ones based on truth, compassion, and self-respect.

Lack of Trust and Safety

When you have experienced trauma, especially emotional betrayal, exploitation, or manipulation, it is common to struggle with trust. This is not a matter of stubbornness or resistance. It is a survival response rooted in your nervous system and reinforced by your lived experience. After being hurt, especially by someone who pretended to care, your brain learns to treat connection as a potential threat. This makes it extremely difficult to engage in the very relationships, such as therapy or support groups, that are designed to help you heal.

Trust is a prerequisite for emotional vulnerability. In order to participate in recovery, you need to believe that the person listening to you will not dismiss, judge, or harm you. You need to feel emotionally and psychologically safe enough to disclose the truth of what happened and how it made you feel. Without that foundation, you are likely to hold back. You may find yourself minimizing your pain, avoiding certain topics, or disengaging entirely from the recovery process. This hesitation is not a failure. It is a consequence of protective conditioning.

For scam victims, the betrayal often runs especially deep. Scammers typically use emotional intimacy as a weapon. They learn your fears, hopes, and insecurities. They mimic trustworthiness. They present themselves as caregivers, confidants, or romantic partners. When the deception is revealed, it can feel like your internal compass has been shattered. If I couldn’t recognize danger then, how can I trust anyone now? That question may follow you into therapy and color your perception of everyone who tries to help, including those with genuine intentions.

Your sense of psychological safety may also be affected by how others have responded to your trauma. If you were blamed, shamed, or dismissed by friends, family, or even law enforcement, your instinct may be to avoid opening up again. You may assume that no one can be trusted to understand or that talking about what happened will only make things worse. This anticipation of harm can lead you to view therapy not as a refuge, but as another risk.

Even in professional settings, if a therapist or counselor seems rushed, distracted, or unempathetic, your defense mechanisms may activate immediately. You might scan their expressions for judgment. You might withhold important details, fearing that your story will be met with disbelief. In some cases, especially for those who have endured complex trauma, the therapeutic setting itself can feel threatening simply because it asks you to be emotionally open with a stranger. This is why trauma-informed care is essential. A therapist who understands these dynamics will prioritize creating a safe and consistent environment that builds trust slowly over time.

Establishing safety requires more than kind words. It involves predictability, patience, consistency, and validation. You may need repeated proof that the therapeutic space is not going to harm you. You may need to start with small disclosures, testing whether they are met with respect. Over time, each successful interaction helps regulate your nervous system and builds the foundation for a trusting relationship. This is not linear. There will be setbacks. Some days, you may feel safer than others. What matters is that you recognize the lack of trust as a protective reflex, not a flaw, and allow yourself to move forward at your own pace.

Healing begins when safety is restored. Without it, your brain remains in a defensive state, scanning for threats rather than opening to growth. With it, you can begin to re-engage with the world, not as a battlefield, but as a place where trust is possible again.

Structural and Systemic Barriers

Practical obstacles such as limited access to mental health services, financial constraints, and cultural or language differences can impede engagement in therapy. These barriers can make it difficult for individuals to initiate or continue treatment, leading to disengagement.

Emotional Numbness and Disconnection

After trauma, especially the kind of psychological trauma caused by scams or betrayals, your brain and body may enter a protective state known as emotional numbness. This is not a conscious choice. It is a neurobiological survival mechanism. When your mind perceives a threat so overwhelming that it cannot process it in the moment, it shuts down emotional engagement as a form of self-preservation. This can leave you feeling disconnected from your emotions, your body, and even your own identity.

When you experience emotional numbness, it can feel as though the color has drained out of your life. Things that once brought joy, sadness, or meaning may now feel distant or hollow. You might describe yourself as going through the motions or not really present. This disconnection can make it extremely difficult to engage in therapeutic work or recovery programs. If you cannot feel the depth of your pain, you may also struggle to see the point of trying to heal it. The emotional signal that usually drives someone to seek help is muted or entirely absent.

This state of numbness is often a form of dissociation, where your brain disconnects you from emotions that it deems too painful or dangerous to experience. Scam victims often report feeling nothing at all after discovering the betrayal. They may know intellectually that they were hurt, but they cannot access the corresponding emotional response. In some cases, this leads to guilt or self-criticism. Why am I not crying? Why am I not angry? What is wrong with me? These questions can deepen the sense of isolation, reinforcing the belief that therapy will not help because nothing seems to reach the emotional core of the problem.

Without a sense of emotional presence, therapy may seem abstract or irrelevant. Emotional processing requires some level of contact with your internal state. If you are numb, the language of healing can sound distant or mechanical. Discussions about grief, trauma, or resilience may not resonate because your nervous system has shut down the emotional channels needed to process that information. You might attend sessions but feel detached or unresponsive. You might stop attending altogether, assuming that if you cannot feel the problem, you cannot fix it either.

The challenge is that numbness often masks enormous underlying pain. Just because you cannot feel it now does not mean it has gone away. It lives in your body and nervous system, sometimes surfacing in physical symptoms like fatigue, chronic pain, or digestive issues. It may also emerge in your behavior—withdrawal from relationships, inability to make decisions, or compulsive distractions. These are all ways your mind and body signal distress when emotional awareness has been blocked.

Recovery from emotional numbness begins with recognizing it as a legitimate trauma response. It is not laziness, apathy, or emotional incompetence. It is your mind’s way of saying this was too much to handle at once. Gentle, consistent therapeutic engagement—especially with trauma-informed professionals—can help reopen emotional pathways. Practices like grounding, body awareness, creative expression, and mindfulness can also play a role in reconnecting you with your internal world.

Progress may be slow, and at times frustrating, but it is possible. As emotional awareness begins to return, so too does the ability to connect with others, experience empathy, and begin true healing. Numbness is not the end of recovery. It is often the quiet space before emotional truth becomes possible again.

Strategies to Enhance Engagement

Overview

To address these challenges, mental health professionals can:

• • • Build Trust: Establish a safe and supportive therapeutic environment to foster trust.

    • Address Shame: Normalize trauma responses and work to reduce feelings of shame and self-blame.

    • Enhance Accessibility: Provide culturally sensitive services and address systemic barriers to care.

    • Promote Empowerment: Encourage active participation by involving clients in setting goals and making decisions about their treatment.

By understanding and addressing the multifaceted reasons behind low participation in trauma recovery, mental health professionals can better support survivors in their healing journeys.

In-Depth

When someone has experienced psychological trauma—especially a betrayal-based trauma such as a scam—it is common for them to disengage from their own recovery. They may attend therapy sessions sporadically, drop out entirely, or appear emotionally distant even when physically present. This withdrawal is not always a sign of resistance or unwillingness to recover. More often, it reflects the profound effects of trauma on trust, self-perception, and emotional regulation. Mental health professionals play a critical role in helping trauma survivors re-engage with the healing process by adopting intentional, trauma-informed strategies that address the root causes of disengagement.

Below are expanded strategies that can improve client engagement and promote meaningful progress toward recovery.

Building Trust Through Safety and Stability

Trust is the foundation of effective trauma recovery. When a survivor walks into a therapeutic setting, they bring with them a history that may include betrayal, exploitation, or manipulation. Scam victims, in particular, often emerge from their experiences with intense mistrust—not only toward others but also toward themselves. They may question their judgment, their instincts, and their ability to evaluate relationships accurately.

Establishing trust begins with consistency. As a professional, your reliability communicates safety. Showing up on time, following through on commitments, and maintaining clear boundaries all contribute to creating a stable therapeutic environment. Language also matters. Using validating, non-judgmental language—especially when discussing painful or embarrassing experiences—signals that the therapeutic space is emotionally safe.

Pacing is also critical. Rushing a client to disclose traumatic details can trigger withdrawal or re-traumatization. Instead, offer the client permission to control the pace and direction of each session. The ability to say “not yet” or “I’m not ready to talk about that” without fear of judgment helps build a sense of empowerment and trust in the process.

Addressing Shame with Compassion and Education

Shame is one of the most powerful inhibitors to engagement in trauma recovery. Scam victims, for example, often carry immense shame about having been deceived. They may believe the scam was their fault, that they were stupid or gullible, or that they let others down by not recognizing the truth sooner. This internalized blame can be paralyzing and may prevent them from opening up fully in therapy.

Mental health professionals can counteract shame by normalizing trauma responses. Helping clients understand that manipulation tactics are designed to bypass critical thinking and exploit emotional needs can reduce self-blame. Providing psychoeducation about the brain’s response to trauma—such as dissociation, hypervigilance, or emotional numbing—can also help clients see their symptoms as normal and treatable rather than signs of personal weakness.

Using reflective listening and affirming statements can reduce shame’s grip. When a client says, “I should have known better,” a helpful response might be, “What you’re feeling is very common after trauma. Scammers are experts in psychological manipulation. It doesn’t mean you were at fault.” Over time, repeated compassionate responses begin to challenge the harsh internal narratives that keep survivors trapped in shame.

Enhancing Accessibility to Care

Another major barrier to engagement is lack of access. Trauma survivors may face a range of systemic obstacles that prevent them from participating fully in recovery, such as cost, transportation, cultural stigma, language barriers, or limited availability of qualified providers. These barriers are especially critical when working with scam victims, who may already be experiencing financial strain due to the fraud they endured.

Improving accessibility begins with acknowledging these barriers, not dismissing them. Flexible scheduling options, sliding scale fees, virtual sessions, and providing services in multiple languages are just a few ways professionals can reduce logistical hurdles. Cultural sensitivity is also essential. Clients must feel that their values, beliefs, and life experiences are understood and respected. This involves more than simply avoiding stereotypes. It means actively seeking to understand the cultural frameworks that shape a person’s understanding of trauma and recovery.

Outreach can also make a difference. Survivors may not seek help on their own. Connecting with community organizations, creating informational resources tailored to diverse populations, and offering initial sessions that focus on building comfort rather than immediate disclosure can bring more people into recovery who might otherwise stay silent.

Promoting Empowerment and Shared Decision-Making

A trauma survivor’s sense of agency is often severely compromised. Many report feeling powerless, passive, or broken. Rebuilding a sense of control and personal agency is essential to healing. One effective way to do this is by actively involving clients in decisions about their treatment.

Collaborative goal-setting invites the survivor to take ownership of their recovery. Instead of presenting a predetermined plan, ask questions like, “What do you hope to get out of our work together?” or “What feels most important to focus on right now?” These inquiries convey respect for the client’s autonomy and help them see themselves as an active participant rather than a passive recipient of care.

Transparency is also key. Explain your methods, outline the structure of sessions, and discuss treatment options openly. Clients are more likely to engage when they understand what to expect and feel they have a say in how therapy unfolds. When changes are needed—whether in pacing, techniques, or focus—invite feedback and make adjustments accordingly.

Empowerment also involves recognizing and building on a client’s strengths. Trauma can obscure a person’s view of their own resilience. Highlighting moments of courage, insight, or growth—no matter how small—helps reframe the survivor’s identity from victim to capable individual in the process of recovery.

Encouraging Gradual Engagement

Some trauma survivors are not ready for full emotional engagement right away, and that is okay. Encouraging gradual participation can help bridge the gap between resistance and active healing. Rather than expecting immediate vulnerability, start with manageable steps that build confidence and safety. These may include mindfulness exercises, journaling, or focusing on concrete coping strategies.

Clarify that participation in therapy does not always require reliving trauma. Many clients mistakenly believe they must talk about the worst moments of their lives in order to heal. Reassure them that there are multiple pathways to recovery, and that safety and regulation come first. Focusing on sleep, nutrition, boundaries, or managing anxiety can lay the groundwork for deeper emotional work later.

Providing tools for self-reflection between sessions can also help deepen engagement over time. Encourage clients to track moods, triggers, or small successes. These practices foster self-awareness and create a growing sense of progress that makes long-term participation more rewarding.

Creating Hope and Meaning in the Recovery Process

Hope is a powerful motivator, but trauma often strips it away. Scam victims, in particular, may feel cynical, hopeless, or lost. They may doubt that recovery is possible or that they are worth the effort it takes to heal. Professionals must intentionally nurture hope, even when the client cannot yet feel it themselves.

This involves highlighting progress, even when it is incremental. It also means creating space to talk about values, goals, and what life might look like beyond the pain. Reframing recovery not just as “getting over it” but as “rebuilding something meaningful” gives clients a reason to keep going. You might ask, “What would healing allow you to do that you can’t do right now?” or “What would it mean to you to feel safe again?”

Therapy should not just focus on symptom reduction. It should also aim to restore a sense of purpose, connection, and identity. When survivors can begin to imagine a future that feels possible and fulfilling, they become more willing to engage in the work required to get there.

Increasing participation in trauma recovery is not about convincing clients to try harder. It is about creating conditions that make engagement feel possible, safe, and meaningful. Trust, compassion, accessibility, and empowerment are not optional extras—they are the foundation of effective trauma-informed care. Whether you are supporting a scam victim, a survivor of abuse, or anyone recovering from deep psychological harm, your role is to hold space for their pain while guiding them toward connection and hope.

No two survivors are the same, and no path to healing is linear. What matters is your willingness to meet them where they are, to walk at their pace, and to believe in their capacity to recover even when they doubt it themselves. When you do this, you create the conditions not just for survival, but for growth. And that is what true trauma recovery is all about.

Conclusion

When you struggle to participate in your own recovery, it does not mean you are weak, unmotivated, or beyond help. It means your trauma has done what trauma is designed to do: it has disrupted your trust, narrowed your emotional awareness, and built internal barriers to protect you from further pain. Scam trauma, in particular, carries a unique kind of betrayal that strikes at the heart of your identity, judgment, and sense of personal safety. It makes sense that you might pull back, go silent, or feel emotionally paralyzed. These reactions are not failures. They are protective adaptations shaped by your experience.

However, healing cannot happen from the sidelines. Recovery requires action, even if that action is as small as showing up, breathing through discomfort, or asking one honest question. To reclaim your life, you have to become an active participant in it again. You cannot think your way out of trauma. You have to live your way out, moment by moment, step by step. That does not mean rushing or forcing yourself into vulnerability before you are ready. It means being willing to explore what readiness looks like, and to accept that participation will look different at different stages of your journey.

Your withdrawal, your avoidance, and your shame are not permanent states. They are signals—clues pointing to where healing is needed most. With the right support, especially from professionals and communities that honor your pace and validate your pain, you can begin to loosen the grip of fear and step toward engagement. That might mean confronting your own beliefs about worth, safety, and trust. It might mean allowing yourself to feel, perhaps for the first time in a long time. And it will almost certainly mean learning to see your trauma not as a personal failure, but as a wound that deserves care, not silence.

If you have disengaged from therapy or recovery work, you can return. If you have gone quiet, you can speak again. If you have felt numb, you can reconnect. These are not signs of weakness. They are signs of survival. But survival is only the beginning. The real work—healing, reclaiming, participating—starts when you choose to move through the discomfort instead of around it. You do not need to do it alone. The support exists. The tools exist. And so does your capacity to change. Recovery is not a single event. It is a path you walk, one step at a time, back toward yourself.